Bear with me here folks. Yes, I am about to talk about Britney Spears again. I actually may indeed have a problem because I keep talking and thinking about Britney. This must be how my brain works - so don’t blame me as I am more of a messenger of my brain. But this time I am right on with my theory. I’m so excited, I’m in too deep. Crazy! But it feels all right. It might seem like a crush, but it doesn’t mean that I’m serious. Oops I suppose. And in the end, I believe that this pop culture diva has indeed won (once you read the whole rant you will understand this comment).
I think I have her all figured out. Ms. Britney Spears. She is a lot like the pyramids. Don’t you agree? I could stop here and we all would probably be on the same page saying, “Oh yeah Q, yep, yeah I’m right with you on that point where you said Britney Spears and the pyramids are basically replicas of each other – move to the next point now because this one is toast. Nothing more to say. Yep.” Well smartass, I was meaning that she has duped us all with her antics, as have the pyramids with their crazy history and mysteries. More like she is a GIANT publicity stunt and everything is strategically placed and planned. Isn’t she lucky this Hollywood girl?
Here goes: You know when you picture her now, say in 2007. How do you picture her? What is she doing on the cover of the tabloid? She is either fat, or with a baby in the car strapped in wrong, or without her baby and crying, or showing you way too much of her lovely body, or coming out of the court with KFed, etc. – well, it is all done on purpose. All done so that we have to live and breathe Britney. So she is in our face. Bad publicity is good publicity as they say. I believe that while she was waiting to release her next album her publicity agent told her, “Brit baby, do whatever you need to do to over the next few years to get in the news. Make people never forget what you look like or that your life is a complete and utter train wreck. Shave your head and bash in windows of SUVs if you have to. Give up your kids in a staged court battle if you have to. Hell – even go to rehab. Just get ‘er done.” In the end, Brit, her publicity agent, and KFed all know that she is worth millions. Now and forever. She will get millions this year, millions next year, and like Madonna will stay “with us” forever. We will live her life with her (*and KFed). Speaking of Brit and KFed, those two aren’t really having issues, c’mon. That is all a publicity stunt too. And the kids – don’t get me started on the kids. Those kids were sitting pretty at KFed’s house while Britney worked on the end stages of her album. She and her agent staged the whole court battle to make her consistently be in the news. Then she would cut a track in the studio and finally end her day back in the arms of Kevin, behind closed doors. Big time scam!! I must confess, I still believe (still believe).
(please read this next sentence after the Nov. 18 release party) Then, WHAMMO, her new album is FINALLY *sigh* released and we all love it. Of course, her lyrics in the first released song are saying exactly what I have stated above…she is laughing at us people. She is basically saying, no matter that I do, no matter how much you watch, no matter how many pictures you take of me - I still want more and I will never go away. Never, ever, ever go away. Wow, talk about a punch in the throat. Also in the song she is demonstrating a relationship of some sort. A healthy one. Wouldn’t you think if she and KFed were having issues that her album would be about the fact that she is a loony and depressed, like the first Dashboard Confessional album? Well, that is another slap in the face because she says in the song, “every time they turn the lights down…just want to go that extra mile for you…we can get down like there’s no one around…we keep on rocking” – hello, this is yelling I am still with Kevin behind your backs and I am totally duping you gullible bastards!! I think she did it again.
Some other lyrics from the new song: “center of attention…even when we’re up against the wall” / “cameras are flashing while we’re dirty dancing…they keep watching…feels like they’re probably saying…give me more” / “I bet you didn’t see this one coming…. the legendary Ms. Britney Spears…you’re going to have to remove me, ‘cause I ain’t going no where”
Plot! Scam! Genius! Love it! (can’t get enough?!?!)
And, to top it off – people everywhere will be singing and dancing to this song and not realize that there is a message in there, a deep one. Like the Beatles when they have their deep hidden messages, now it is Britney Spears with her brilliant messages within her songs. She has duped us all, we fell for it…but hell, it was (and will continue to be) the ride of our lives.
So next time you feel badly for how her life has gone down the tubes, think about this rant and smile – realizing that she is just fine. People, she is stronger than yesterday. She is stronger than she ever thought she could be. She used to go with the flow. So, no more “poor Britney”. Deal? I could go on, but no more today.
