Spring Breakers #192 (D)

After 30 minutes I paused and realized the plot so far has solely focused on the theme of a giant party.  That is, minus a quick church scene to show that Selena Gomez is wholesome.  AND when they got arrested the scene was totally anti-clamatic.  I didn't even see what happened?!  Basically they were partying through the night and it cuts to a scene of them in the daylight getting cuffed.  Almost as if the entire "police catching them" part, including what they did to deserve it, was totally skipped in the plot summary.  At this stage I said to myself, "I'm not sure I like this movie so far".

I also noted two things that were annoying and happened essentially throughout the entirety of the film.  There was a constant 'conversation-is-happening-in-the-background-but-they-are-showing-another-scene-to-the-viewer' aspect of this movie.   It was almost as if they were narrating over the scenes.  But really it was Korine's vision I assume.  Constantly flipping from scene to scene, including backwards in time (reminiscing) - yet with this never-ending narrating overtone.  And the other thing that annoyed me was there was a droning music that was played throughout - like a soft trance music, instrumental.  It would have been fine if it wasn't constant, but really it was overkill.  Since I focused on both, I probably half ruined the movie for myself.  A movie I was really looking forward to watching.

Ok, so then I get to about 1 hour in and I think this movie has to be a joke.  What is happening?  Better yet, why?  This plot is awful.  Rob a store, get money, go to spring break...meet James Franco....1 hour later....???  WTF is going on?  I'm pretty sure this movie sucks.  Speaking of "sucks", James Franco just gave a BJ to two silencers.  And I'm not kidding when I say, that there have been two Britney Spears sing alongs in the movie, one including James Franco playing the piano.  But please know that this Franco playing piano and singing Britney scene is better than an "evil" Toby McGuire skipping and dancing through the streets in Spidey part 3.

At the end of the movie comes the plot climax...."wow".  Cue an old gang guy, not involved with the movie AT ALL thus far, and he doesn't like James Franco on his turf - so now after 1+ hours there is a plot twist/addition/??.  Just bad.  

Man...I'm going to ruin this movie for you likely so stop reading.  Girl #1 (Gomez) goes home because she is too whimpy (I'm with her) and then girl #2 goes home because she was shot.  But girls 3 and 4 stay around to see what happens in thug world????  Really?

Harmony Korine fail.  I love you normally man, but this was sub-par.  The ONLY cool part of this movie was the fact that James Franco was a gold toothed gangsta, and he did a pretty swell job.  The people on review web-sites either loved or hated this film.  The ones who loved it seem to think that Korine has some vision that is just plain amazing.  I don't get it.  The movie was bad.  The end.

Dredd (D-) #191

Wow...truly bad.  Dreadful actually.  There are maybe two cool scenes throughout but generally a very poorly acted movie coupled with a horrible plot.  The scene with the three gatling-type guns shooting from one balcony across to the other side of the building was probably one of the cooler scenes in the movie.  It actually looked like they were shooting fire bullets (yet the bullet casings were standard looking) and essentially these fire bullets shot through many layers of concrete and building.  I'm not sure if that can really happen or not.  Can it?  Everyone in the entire block of the building were killed, minus the two Judges and their perp.  Awful.  They evaded all fire blasts by ducking, running and dodging.  While 200 people caught their fate.

Karl Urban....bad.  Bad bad bad.  His character was a mix between Christian Bale's deep Batman (c) voice coupled with droopy dog's (c) inverted smile.  Great mean face Karl!  And the scene where he is shot and mends himself?  Is this something that the fan boys can explain to me?  Is Dredd known for being able to mend himself with a first aid kit, even if a bullet goes straight through him?  Don't worry about healing the middle of his body or the back of the wound where the bullet entered, just mend the exit location and carry on.  Wow.  The end scene where he throws Ma-Ma through the window (sorry for the plot spoiler, but it doesn't matter really.  In all honesty the movie is so dumb and not worth watching so I didn't ruin anything), he stands there like he is holding in a poop, with his hand out like a crossing guards stop sign.

Ma-Ma.....bad.  I should probably get the thesaurus out for this because I keep using bad and awful.  Ma-Ma was played by Lena Headly.  Such a atrociously crummy "evil" character.  The casting director should retire.  Sorry if that is mean, but really this was one of the weaker parts of the movie (well...the characters and the plot.  Ha!).  No fear is created by this person to me when watching.  She has some scars and tattoos, and dirty teeth.  Crazy!  She doesn't look scary at all.  And the rest of her clan were basically forgettable.  They didn't even have a main thug to root for (from a bad guy sense).  There was a perp that they carted around for the entire movie, but he was just as forgettable as the rest of the cast.

I guess there are some movies that I watch where I rave about how good they are - and perhaps they are just considered so-so to most viewers.  Yet something about that particular movie I review either made me laugh or I just dug it, felt the vibe if you will.  Then the reverse happens.  Where I will watch a movie and I end up thrashing it in my review, like wet noodles on the dock...however somehow the masses end up loving the film despite my views and stating that I feel the movie is royal crap.  I mean, all should go by my reviews, right?  But this one.  I'm not sure how anyone could like this one.  Even the blind sheep masses who are lured to and end up loving rotten movies should also hate this one.  Rotten Tomatoes (c) gave it a 78.  Metacritic.com (c), who is even more accurate because there isn't a pass/fail system involved, gave it a 59.  I just don't get it.  It was so very ghastly (yeah thesaurus!).  There are some cool killing scenes, but the rest of the movie is beyond awful.  I tried to read some reviews to find a few who are on my side.  Not easy to find.  Almost each normal human review (not critic) loves the movie and raves about how spot on Urban is with his portrayal of Dredd, and how they are so happy he stayed true to the role by keeping his helmet on, blah blah blah.  Well, I guess these people also liked G.I. Joe and Chop then.  Crazy.

I didn't even remember to comment on the slow motion "awesome effects" (sarcasm) used when the people use the street drug.  And I didn't comment on the cheesy effects portrayed when the girl Dredd uses here stupid mental abilities.  I have to stop, I could go on and on.  Bye.