Squirm - 92 (C-)

Pretty funny for an older "horror" movie about worms that go out of control due to a bad storm.  My favorite scene was when the one guy throws a piece of plywood on another guy who is down in a hole and it knocks him out cold.  Too funny.

There were some good scenes where tens of thousands of worms were coming through holes and or all over the floor, but otherwise there wasn't much to write home about in this one.  Below is a picture of the worms in bulk after one of the awful actors opens a door where worms filled the other side (picture 1) and the other is a close-up of one with it's pinchers (??) coming out of it's face (picture 2).  I need to look up worms with mouths like these.  I don't recall these in nature?  Also, in the movie the worms screeched.  Ha!

John Carpenter's The Ward #91 (D-)

I rated this one a 1 star on Netflix (c).

I expect a lot out of John Carpenter.  Really I do.  I mean, he demands that his name be listed with the movie title for eff's sake.  He brought us The Thing, In the Mouth of Madness, Big Trouble in Little China, Halloween, Prince of Darkness, The Fog, Assault on Precinct 13, Escape from New York, etc. - all real great movies to me.  With that resume, he basically should always be the man.  However, now he directs this clunker??  Can anyone say Tales From the Crypt, or "Masters of Horror", or Up All Night or whatever it's called.  This was certainly bad...a straight to DVD awful cinema attraction - aka, don't waste your time.  I could barely finish this piece.  The "bad guy" was so bad it wasn't even...what was I saying?  Right, don't watch this.

Some of Carpenter's other recent gems are Jason vs. Leatherface, The Nightmare Ends on Halloween II, and Jason vs. Michael.  I think he just wrote those not directed.  With those titles, I can clearly say that he should call it quits.

Sam Neill would have been good as the doctor in this movie.  Perfect role for him.

I also love the classic plot move consisting of: person-in-mental-ward-gets-tranqualized-after-something-happens-where-the-staff-doesn't-believe-them-that-something-happens....  That didn't come out right.  What I meant is, it's totally classic (sarcastically) that they tranquilized her right when she needed the most help ever and right when she was being attacked by the "bad guy".

Dumb, dumb, dumb movie.  Sorry, it was.

Frontier(s) #90 (A)

Woah, the French are at it again....I'm starting to think they might be crazier horror-flick-makers than the notoriously awesome Japanese thrillers-of-horror.  I actually thought this movie was a zombie flick due to the cover picture and not a movie like Sheitan.  What a surprise...totally like Sheitan!  My buddies told me it was good and I should watch it, but I didn't listen at first and waited approximately 2 years prior to allowing my brain and eyes to melt while watching this movie.  Evilness is a good word to describe this one.  Damn!  If you are a horror movie fan, check out this French thriller for sure.

This was a mix of Wrong Turn, Hostel, TCM, Sheitan, and a few others.  Basic plot: 4 friends find themselves in some trouble and with a bunch of money and a need to escape a rioting town.  They split up (due to certain circumstances) and both sets plan to meet up later, out towards the country.  They made a bad mistake by leaving the riots, that's for sure.  Would have been much safer staying there.  Anyway, it turns bad...watch to find out more.

I have a few gripes however, all which happened towards the mid-beginning of the film.  The first two guys that venture out to meet the "family" end up in a driving battle with Goetz (who was the main character in Brotherhood of the Wolf, another champion movie).  At the end of this scene (this is a kind of plot spoiler, so perhaps stop reading) the two "good guys" flip off a cliff in their car and drop about 150 feet down, landing directly upside-down on their car roof.  First gripe: they both are fine.  Next they decide that they should go into a cave next to where they landed.  Seems like a good idea, right?  NO!??  They then hit the end of the cave and the only way to go is back or into a tiny passage that they have to hoist themselves into, about the size of their bodies only.  Total claustrophobia.  Good idea??  NO!??  Why the heck wouldn't they just turn around and go back to where they came from and then run like hell??  Dunno, but otherwise this is a movie worth watching for peeps who like awfulness/horroritizing.

Julia #89 (A-)

A new year and time to recap what's occurred so far.  I have just watched my 89th movie.  I started this "journey" on July 5th.  That gives me approximately 180 days left...half way there...and I still have 111 movies to go.  I need to average 18.5 movies a month.  That means I have to get busy.  December wasn't that successful with only 11 movies watched in full (I watched about 6 movies half-way but that doesn't count).  Now onto Julia:

Another bizarre-ass movie - I guess not as bizarre as Repo Man.  The plot in a nutshell: Tilda Swinton, who I've never seen act before and who does a good job, gets wrapped in to help her semi-friend to create an elaborate plot to get her son back.  Her friend, who doesn't ever get to see her son due to the son living with the father etc., asks Tilda (Julia) to help her kidnap the boy in an attempt to get the mom and son back together again and I think to get money from the dad (yes indeed, the mom asked for help for money as the main goal).  For the rest of the movie the actual mom is basically out of the picture and Tilda/Julia and the son are off on a bizarre adventure (for lack of better word) as she takes him out of the country.  I guess the cool twist is that after she kidnaps the boy and runs far away to get the grandfather and father of the boy to give her money etc., some locals kidnap the boy while she's sleeping.  So, thusly there are two kidnappings.  Then she has to play the part of a vigilante-hardcorps-badguy to get the boy back from the 2nd kidnapping.  There were about 45 strong minutes of action and the movie ended up being pretty darn cool with some intense scenes.  No subtitles either.  Santos, the main badguy is awesome!  He should be in more movies.  I recommend this title.  Here is Santos being awesome:

Side note: please realize my mistake from above.  I mentioned that I had never seen Tilda Swinton in a movie before but apparently I'm a liar.  I've seen a bunch of her movies but don't really recall her.  I guess she either disguises herself well or is just a supporting actor and less noticeable.  For instance, I've seen The Beach, Vanilla Sky, I think I've seen Adaptation, The Chronic (what) cles of Narnia, and Burn After Reading.  I think of all of those, I can only picture her in The Chronic (what) cles of Narnia as one of the witches or queens or something.  She would have been good in Alice and Wonderland, or basically as any role Cate Blanchett plays.  Also I noted that both Cate and Tilda are in that Benjamin Button movie together.  Probably playing twins since they might be the same person.

#88 / Repo Man (B+)

What a bizarre-ass movie.  Honestly, that was really weird.  There was a plot, but really it was nonsensical however something definitely worth seeing to find out what happens next.  It was a movie full of ambition that went nowhere, but on purpose.  Normally right up my alley and I suppose even though I couldn't quite figure this one out, I still have to admit that liked it a lot.  I appreciated that most of the scenes were in day light.  I appreciated the dialog as the random and motley repo crew drove around together discussing life.  I appreciated the acting and also the effects, which were good considering the age of the movie....all around, pretty darn solid.

I'm surprised so many people talk about this movie as if it were super popular - as in, a must see for an entire generation - I say that because this is something I find hard to believe.  It's a cult classic, I'd have to agree with that, yet I feel like the normal human wouldn't love this piece so I'm perplexed on why it's so notorious.

Emilio did a really good job as well.  I miss him.

The top review on Netflix (c) said something I can't say, something beyond my simple words and it made me laugh (read: I don't speak poetic like this guy does.  It almost reads as a critic's one line review on a magazine cover) "80's Reagan America viewed through LSD and alienation.  A feast for the sick mind!"

#87 Zero Effect (C+)

Bill Pullman is magical.  Ha!  Sorry I'm cynical at times on these reviews, I really don't mean to be mean.  I'm willing to admit however that I'm aware I get this way - and also very critical of a movie's plot/vibe or an actor's performance.  I guess I'm hard to please.  At times I do believe that Pullman looks like Duchovny.

Question: who's better at acting?  Bill Pullman or Cary Elwes?  Please post the answer in the response section.

On to the movie.  It's about a guy that dubs himself as the ultimate observer and gets paid big bucks to solve mysteries.  Mostly he does it out of his office, but occasionally he comes out of his office to go on site to solve items.  This guy is Bill Pullman, actor extraordinaire.  He tries really hard to look eccentric and disheveled, but it actually makes me laugh.  He wears long-johns with a robe and his hair is all over the place, think "the Dude" from Big L.  Kind of like that, but worse.  His sidekick/assistant is Ben Stiller, who plays a serious role in the movie so that's funny too.  He's not bad at being serious and is not a bad actor in my book, but he's definitely better at being goofy so it's hard to see him playing this role.  It took about 35 minutes for me to get interested because prior to that time I was laughing in my head at the Stiller seriousness and the Pullman eccentricness.  AKA "plot building".  The movie was okay in the end, worth watching I guess on a Saturday afternoon on the couch.  Nothing too great and nothing too horrible.  Lots of "girl with the dragon tattoo" random sleuth-work from Pullman.  I guess he's a bit of a savant?  Anyway, there was enough to keep me interested in watching I suppose so I suppose I recommend to folks.  Good day.

#86 Funny Farm / (B-)

I noted something pretty funny while watching the first few minutes of this movie - during Chevy Chase driving scenes he always has the same expression on his face.  Meaning, in all of his movies where he's being that funny dad driving somewhere.  You should know the expression...a forced grin, chin up...unfazed by the world around him.  Goofy almost.  That had me chuckling fo sure.  I enjoyed the movie too.  I've said this before, but good old time comedies sure are hard to come by.  There are only so many actors that can pull acting off like this, the great ones.  This makes me want to see Spies Like Us and others that I've never yet seen...perhaps Canadian Bacon??  Maybe that's too far of a stretch.  Also Stripes...I might have seen a scene or two from that one but never have seen the whole thing.  I miss old time Bill Murray and Chevy Chase, not the cranky guys who are now almost "too good for hollywood" etc.  Too bad.  I sort of get annoyed with them in the modern times, although Bill was funny in that Zombie movie with Woody Harleson.  Anyway, this isn't about that.  Funny Farm was a good movie.

Is that leading lady Mary Steenburgen?  Good night.

85: Hall Pass (A-)

I just larghed my arse off.  This was definitely written by a male.  Seriously, when you see the sharting/sneezing scene in the bathroom, please send me a text so we can laugh together.  Hilarious!!  Might be one of the best scenes ever in a comedy.  Owen Wilson was definitely better in this compared to The Big Year.  Good day.

84 / Hell Night (C-)

This movie is some sort of pledge movie, on "hell night" (I guess halloween), but the pledges are both male and female - I'm not sure I really get that part.  Perhaps a combined frat/sorority thing?  Anyway, it's apparently a cult classic, so I gave it a chance.  Also, Linda Blair is in it...

So the basic premise is 4 newbies have to spend one night in a haunted castle/house in order to get into the club.  I just love how these crazy, HUGE, houses randomly exist near college towns...completely fixed up with about 1,000 candles, already lit of course.  And the place is completely empty, no one lives there.  Here's the super tricky 1981 movie twist, the frat boys and sorority girls are pulling pranks on the 4 newbies while they spend their night in the castle...woah!  Good plot.  Ha!  Anyway, guess what?  There's an actual killa there too....so jokes on the entire lot of them.  I need to ask, is the killa a wolfman?  He's sure relentless.  I think he "came back" about 6 times after you thought he was already dead.  I guess that's why it's a cult classic??  My overall view, it wasn't the worst, yet wasn't the best.  I wouldn't waste my time if I were you even if you like old 80's classics, just not worth it.

Note, about 4 times throughout this epic wonderment, there is a vulture or red tailed hawk cry - in the middle of the night no doubt.  It sounds like something you'd hear in a movie that takes place in a desert.  Otherwise the movie had good music, a la Goblin.

The Next Three Days - #83 (C)

Every scene with Elizabeth Banks - totally couldn't hear.  Volume up over 44.  Ridic.  Good thing she spends 90% of the movie in prison.  I hope that doesn't ruin it for anyone, it basically happens within the first 10 minutes.

This movie could have used a few cut scenes.  1 hour less would have been just about right.  They easily could have shaved that off, seriously.  At 1 hour and 44 minutes in, it started getting semi good.  I don't really know even what to say.  They took so much time building the beginning of the plot, which was Russell Crowe trying to plan out stuff, I ended up becoming bored.  At 44 minutes, they should have been getting to the good part I mentioned above which happened at the 1 hour and 44 minute mark.  Regardless, don't waste your time, that's my opinion anyway.

Liam Nielsen was in this, for 4 seconds.  I wonder why?  Same with Olivia Wilde....about 10 minutes total.  Finally however...I can happily state that I saw Brian Dennehy!!  For real this time!

Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog / 82 (A-)

superb.  very hilarious.  crazy-random happenstance of a flick.

There is some talk about this being an eventual series, on TV I guess...totally agree they should do that.  Neil Patrick Harris and company are non-stop funny.  I love a musical as well...so it makes it better for me.  Especially when the songs are about "ass-kicking".  Might need the score for my iPod.  LOL, but seriously.  Marc, check this one out (read: musical) (also read: it's not better than the 'Wickerman' circa 1973, not sure yet if it's better than 'Repo! The Genetic Opera' because I haven't finished that movie in full yet).

My only issue is...does this qualify as a movie?  I feel like I just watched a show only, a quick 40 minute show.  It's okay, I'm behind in my quota and to get to 200 I need to kick some serious ass for the rest of this month and keep my 16-19 or so per month average to get where I need to be by next July.

Nathan Fillion reminds me of someone.  He might sleep with the same girl for the 2nd time to do the weird stuff...ha!

#81 Edison Force (D)

Question, would I rather watch Edison Force or Ghost Dog.  Probably Edison Force....

Is this movie really just a quick payday for these actors?  I mean...come on, is this for real?  Has anyone ever heard of it before?  Did it even play in the theatres?  Can someone look that up?  Or was it straight to DVD?  I think I have it figured out....Spacey, LL, Timberlake, Morgan Freeman, Dylan McDermont, Piper Posey, John Heard, Cary Elwes...heck even Rachel Spector - all agreed to do a quick 'one-take' movie, where they barely have to try at acting, and then they put in their contract that they will force it to go directly to DVD and no one will promote it or ever see it.  And then they all laugh their way to the bank, somehow.  I guess that doesn't make any sense.  I don't know, it just doesn't seem like they did this movie with passion or even took it seriously.  Actually, it wasn't the worst, but it was pretty clunky.

When you look this up on IMDB, it comes up as 'Edison' only, not 'Edison Force'.  Wonder why that is?

So the opening scene has LL Cool J with mustard spilled all over his face and shoulder all while shooting up a burglary, the blood in this scene looked like small packets of red exploding, and the bullets hitting the taxis looked like those fake grey stickers the people who are cool put on the back of their Aerostar (c) mini-vans.  Flash forward a few scenes...and Morgan Freeman is dancing, for like a minute on screen.  Flash forward again, about 40 minutes elapsed (you barely missed anything during this time)...and Dylan McDermont is dancing and talking about how he's got soul.  The rest of the plot is about a reporter and his quest to publish the story of corrupt cops.  There, now you don't need to see it.

Here's the IMDB breakdown on the cost and the non-USA profit.  Unless I'm looking at this wrong, seems like a loss, eh?

Box Office

Budget:

 $25,150,000 (estimated)

Opening Weekend:

 RUR 3,120,181 (Russia) (9 October 2005)

Gross:

 $4,143,414 (non-USA) (28 October 2007)

80: John Carpenter's Halloween (A)

Damn surround sound and damn the fact that I decided to start the dishwasher prior to starting this movie. Yes, that's also correct...I'm a horror movie snob who watches 4 out of 5 within the genre, and I've never seen the original Halloween.  It's true.  Let's quickly discuss what I know about this movie and the legend surrounding it.  I know for sure that Jamie Lee Curtis lives, at least through the first few movies.  I know that Michael Myers can walk ultra-fast.  I've seen the Rob Zombie take on it - and liked that.  Lastly I know the song.  So, I've pushed play and here we go...

1. I never would have suspected THE Michael Myers to drive around (as above, isn't his thing that he's far away and then he gets over to you super fast?), much less in a woody-wagon!  Classic!
2. Have to give props to the now you see me/now you don't part of the movie - which was occurring in broad daylight for a good portion of the beginning.  Love that stuff - especially when it's creepy + in the daylight hours.
3. The scene in the car/garage reminded me a bit of 'Maniac!' (1980)
4. "Death has come to your little town sheriff, you can either ignore it or you can help me to stop it."
5. Is that cop/dad Brian Dennehey?  Apparently not.  But from the side, he looks like it for sure.
6. I thought Donald Pleasance was going to be Donald Sutherland and am upset that it wasn't, although this other guy was good.
7. Could someone please explain the gravestone to me?  Seriously?  I guess that was his sister from the beginning of the film when he was a younger lad?
8. I didn't expect that ending.  Loved that he wasn't there when they looked again.  Nice!

As they say, this movie has lots of slow creepiness to it, very sparse on the actual horror scenes (which is totally okay), and has the feel of great old-school horror slasher scenes (where you don't actually see much, again...that's okay).  The whole thing wasn't very long, I'm surprised.  It basically only takes place on one night in one small part of the neighborhood.  From an "I'm scared" stand-point, I really wasn't too scared.  The opening part with the loonies in the field wondering around was a bit scary, but this one was more visually cool with Michael lurking around slowly, showing up in odd places then vanishing, and waiting for his moment.  The mask left no expression, so that was a cool effect.

Gotta give this one an A.  I'm mad at myself for not having seen it prior to tonight.

Update: here is a picture I was finally able to upload of Michael being awesome:

79: Risky Business (B)

Great line: "he's got such nice friends, clean, polite....quick"

I'll be honest, I thought this was going to be the standard 80's movie - a comedy actually - like Pretty in Pink or 16 Candles.  But this is more of a drama/thriller sort of, a lesson learner of kinds.  I never would have guessed this was what Risky Business was about.  Especially with the "classic" scene, which is/was unfortunately stuck in my head, of Cruise sliding across the floor.  Definitely from that 'splendid' vision I thought the plot would be just another silly knee-slapper full of crazy stunts from crazy kids, instead, they curse a bunch and get into a world of 80's style trouble...all while wearing loafers.  Who knew?  Probably most of the world actually...

At the end of the flick I felt bad for ol' Tom, actually a few times I felt bad for him.  They kept taking his stuff and he almost got in trouble by his parents.  Shoot, he was even in school trying to do the right thing, meanwhile his house was getting looted.  Not cool whores.  Not cool.

I was sure happy to see Balki Bartokomous and Dudley (Booger) Dawson in their epic supporting roles.  Booger wasn't actually even Booger yet...crazy.  He became Booger the next year.  I think that guy (the loser brother) with curly hair from Parenthood is a mix between Booger and Steve Guttenberg.  Booger is still alive - I just looked him up to confirm.  Also, while looking up how to spell Guttenberg correctly, I found the following interesting link about epic 80's legends IMDB list of 80's epic legends ...apparently Guttenberg is #2, with #1 going to none other than Cobra-Kai's main man Johnny.  "Yeah!  Okay, here's your first lesson, how to take a FALL!"  Apparently Balki wasn't even Balki yet when this one graced the screen...damn, pretty crazy.  For Tommy, it was pre-Legend, pre-Top Gun, pre-Color of Money, and pre-Cocktail.

#78 Double Whammy (D+)

I really like Steve Buscemi and I mostly like Dennis Leary.  I'm not against Elizabeth Hurley.  But quite honestly, they are all best when they are cast as supporting actors.  Please note, this movie was lacking overall but had a few funny moments.  I think they were striving to make something excellent like 2 Days in the Valley, but it didn't work.  There was a filmed-on-a-soap-opera-set feel to the movie.  They threw in that guy from Scrubs...Donald Faison...and that pretty much sums up the movie.  As in, if a supporting actor from Scrubs is a main actor in this movie, it's destined to be a clunker.  I did laugh, so perhaps I should have rated this a C-, but didn't laugh enough for this to be considered up there with other C- movies I've watched, like Videodromme, Twilight, Only Human, or Lake Mungo.

FYI, Luis Guzman is awesome!

Lastly, what is Chris Noth attempting to achieve with this IMDB photo?  click here to see Chris Noth trying to be a psycho