AP 3

To be said in the voice of Patrick Bateman, “each morning I wake up cranky and stumbling to find my footing. There is often a cat on my head or nearby on my pillow. I do zero crunches. I go right to the shower. The knob on the shower is not sturdy. It might fall off one day. While I stand there I look at the leak coming from the showerhead. It is there but it does not matter. Someday though I might fix that leak. The water rolls all the way down across all of the shampoos and gels dangling within the metal shelf, which hangs mid-way down the wall. I put on proper clothes and head downstairs. My mother-in-law makes coffee but I nicely decline. Then I decide to stop at Wawa for an always-necessary morning cup of coffee. I get the 20-oncer. Not too big and yet not too small. I opt to go for a lid that is 2 or 3 lids back in the stack. This way I get a ‘clean’ one. Untouched by Wawa worker’s hands. I do not select the old fashioned white lid that is lays flat; I go for the futuristic puffy and raised black lid. It is the only way. When paying at the register I try to remember to say ‘thank you’ to the person who numbingly rings me up. I drive 5 minutes on backcountry roads to avoid city life. Upon arriving at work I look for my homie G-Font’s vehicle. There it is. I feel better now. One day earlier this year my homie did not make it to work due to an accident that required a splint and 5 stitches. I didn’t see his car this day. I was sad. I completed more that day than any other day this year. Upon entering the initial set of turnstiles I think to myself, ‘should I go up or should I go left?’ Each day is like a flip of a coin and I am off in one of the two directions. I am on a quest: to find my cubical. When I go left there are others that stand with me. It is often awkward. Going up leaves me hearing heels popping on the cement-like marble floor. Pop pop, pop pop, and pop. Sitting at my desk I hear the light above my head buzzing. If a jackhammer were working in the cubical next to me, I would not hear it. I may yell at the light later this week. I am not sure if that will work. My neighbor Scotty will probably like me better once I yell. During work I play games like ‘let’s see how much water I can drink’ and ‘let’s see how many people I can’t talk to’. I keep tallies on spreadsheets and organize the days and totals by color. This is usually about when I finish my coffee. It’s ice cold by now.”