The Abominable Dr. Phibes #167 (B)

Poetic plot recap, spoken in 70's verse:

'The incredible legends of the abominable Dr. Phibes began a few short years ago.  All of them unfortunately true.  It was here, in London's fashionable Malden Square, whence Phibes ventured out to work his diabolical revenge against those responsible for the death of his beloved wife Victoria, and the destruction of his own face - making it necessary to talk though an ingenius mechanism in his neck. Phibes says, "my wife existed only 6 minutes on the operating table...you murdered her...when the acid reaches him, he will have a face....like....mine!"

The most brilliant minds of Scotland Yard were baffled, as the amazing murders continued each more feandish than the last.  And in his soundproof basement of his mansion....none could hear his flamboiant songs of triumph and revenge, played on his organ and by his ingenius clockwork musicians.

"We have got to find Phibes!"  Only by a stroke of amazing luck did the police seek out Malden Square.  But the feendish Dr. Phibes was prepared for such an emergency, and building his face anew, he entered the cript where he had enshrined his beloved wife, incredibly maintained, neither alive nor completely dead.  And there Phibes placed himself in suspended life, like her....until it would be time for Phibes to rise again!'

Cue sequel music!!  I can smell it!  (and because its currently 2012 - I know for a fact that there is indeed a sequel)

I applaud two of the killings by Dr. Phibes, as they happen right under the nose of the inspectors.  Phibes is specifically creative with all 8-9 of his killings, however the brass head of a unicorn catapulted across the street and through the chest of an unsuspecting victim is one of the best.  He also loves death by creature.  Lets see - there was death by bat, locust, rat...and in a way there was death by frog.  Totally rad.  I have a feeling that this movie inspired the creator of the "Saw" series, especially that last death scene.  Each death was elaborate and disgusting...all while the killer was nowhere to be found.   Excellent.

Like the Gore Gore Girls, this movie fit the mold of those taboo horror movies from its time.  I learned of this movie from a tip from someone stating this was a brilliant horror classic from the 70's - containing crazy, purposefully calculated offings.  Whoever suggested this was right.  This is my first Vincent Price movie.  However hopefully not my last.

Also one quick statement about Phibes band, which was named Dr. Phibes' Clockwork Wizards.  They were found within an elaborate organ room in Phibes' mansion, and were composed of moving dummies who played various instruments while Phibes played along on the organ.  

Shock Waves (D) #166

Mystery Science Theatre could have definitely reviewed this one.  Also, you could have played Shock Waves on mute and added in a hint of fast forward until you see the first zombie in the water, which occurs approximately 40 minutes in.  What I'm saying is, this wasn't the best.  The background character building and conversations are basically pointless.  There wasn't even one drop of blood (sorry man, had to steal that).  Seriously?  It's a zombie movie!  But alas, it was from 1977 so there were some "rules" of cinema to follow back then.  The worst the movie did was show someone after they were dead for a while - all boiled or water-logged...or to show someone getting dunked under the water by one of these brackish water zombies.

I guess the zombies were cool though, despite a few scenes where it looked like they were missing their poorly done zombie make-up.  And they sure had some odd tendencies...for instance they liked to lay down in the shallow water, or on the ocean floor.  Basically it was their m.o. and was for no apparent reason.  If I had cash for every time the flick showed zombies laying on the water floor I'd have about enough cash to go to Wawa for a week straight, getting Red Bull and a b-fast sandwich each time.  Overall it was just an odd movie.  I really need to remember who recommended this to me??  I think it was the same guy on the internet that recommended the Langoliers and Satan's Little Helper.

Definitely the best parts were the zombies walking underwater and coming out of the water.  Even the death scenes were weak.  It also seemed that everyone in the movie, stuck on this one-hotel-having-island, were forced to wade through water in order to go anywhere else but inside the hotel.  Like, to go see what was going on over there, they either needed a boat or needed to wade through hip high water. We also saw a few mistakes, like some of the dead guys breathing or starting to get up because the scene was over.

As far as a good underrated zombie flick goes, this one does not fit.

MOVIE 165 End of Watch (B)

Hi there....I watched End of Watch a few days ago.  And did so actually in the theatre as you might expect.  With popcorn and a soda the size of my ass head.  It's been a while since I've gone to the theatre, since perhaps Snow White's Huntsman or maybe Ted (it took me a while to post this, I've since seen Looper).  It felt good to get out there again, knock off the rust a bit.  Speaking of the theatre - I still haven't seen the new Batman, Total Recall, Premium Rush (LOL), Dredd (again, LOL), Bourne Legacy, Expendables 2, or the Possession (note to self, don't see the Possession aka the Dibbuk Box movie - too dangerous).

Now moving on to discussing End of Watch.  It was a good movie for sure.  Per a commercial I saw just a day or so ago, it's the #1 movie right now....a bit hard to believe, but okay.  I will say that I recommend going out and seeing it.  It wasn't the best ever and I have at least one pretty major gripe (see below), but it's still real good and totally worth a view.  In the theatre?  Maybe not.  You could wait and watch this on your home system.  They did a superb job building the characters...in fact, it is basically all they did throughout the movie.  Jake and Michael Pena are best buds, and they joke with each other, share excitement in the field of duty together, and would even die together.  Does it feel a bit like Harsh Times?  By that I mean have a feel of two homeboys riding around in a car for most of the movie all while within the "harsh" inner city streets?  Yes.

Here's my gripe.  They all had cameras.  Jake had more than one.  Apparently he was filming everything for a "project" he was doing for some sort of schooling he is in.  So in every scene, he's walking around filming, most times while also holding his gun and peaking around corners.  Typically cop move right?  In a bad situation, yet it's important to ensure that you have your handheld camera.  Then, even the bad guys had a camera.  They would carry it around and film their "bad" stuff, and then one of the bad leaders would say, "turn that stuff off and get serious" and push it with his hand.  Speaking of that, there were 4 major bad guys, and 2 of the 4 were girls.  Nothing against girls, but seriously?  The main bad guys are going to roll in a posse like this?  Just doesn't seem hardcore enough.  Again, sorry....as I know there are a lot of real tough girls out there that are offended right now.  I just would think that Jake and Michael Pena would have had a harder time going against 4 really tough dudes, not 2 and 2.

Note to self....See Higanjima!  Currently Netflizzz (c) doesn't have it available, so I have to put it on the save portion of the list, along with exactly 51 others.  Seriously?  Hey Netflix (c)....I love ya, but you gotta go and get these DVDs.  I've had some in my save section since I joined a few years ago.  Why can you not see that I (and others) would like to rent certain movies?  Ok, bye bye.

Altered #164 (B)

So tell me, how long can you go with your intestines yanked out of you and stretched onto the other side of the room?  This one dude lasted for over an hour with his out - bet that's longer than you could last.  For most of the hour he held his intestines in his hands, compiled in a messy, knotty pile.

Basic plot summary of Altered: a few dozen years ago (although they show none of it, but it would make a great prequel) 5 guys have some sort of abduction experience.  Four of them make it back.  Three of them are still friends while one has been sort of shunned by the community because of what allegedly happened to the 5th guy that didn't come back.  Also the 4th guy stayed up on the ship longer than the others.....so, another reason the town blames him.

Hellbent on gaining revenge, the now adult friends trek out into the woods with home-made harpoon guns and shottys with taped on spot-lights...only to come home with a captured creature - same species that abducted them years prior.  They have no where to go but to the 4th friends house/warehouse.  From there they get into a world of trouble, as of course the creature escapes.  There is also a girlfriend involved, not sure why but they tie her up and put her in the bedroom with her mouth taped shut.  I guess so that the thing doesn't overtake her mind?  But then couldn't the alien also do that to the 4 friends?  A bit confused about that part.

When the cop shows up, there are some pretty good scenes and dialog.  I like when he's dying, all he wants is to get a final Yeungling (c).  LOL.  I also liked watching the guy who got infected turn into a ball of mess.  That was good special effects.  He was falling apart at the end.  Literally.  That guy was a good actor.  He remained mean and mad despite having his insides coming outside and his other body parts, like his face, falling off.  I also dug the friend with the crazy mullet hair - he was also a good actor.  I'd see more with him in it.  Hell, they all do a good job considering.

When the "altered" friend was in the field, why do the other creature/aliens not see him?  That was odd.  Maybe with a second viewing I'll understand better.  Unfortunately at this point I don't have time to make for a second viewing of this low-budget "masterpiece".  But, I recommend it for sure and give it a solid B.

Looper (C+) #163

I'm stuck on how to rate this movie.  I guess I had big expectations due to the publicity and the high end actors involved.  The movie was okay...and you should definitely see it (don't go by me)...but I would have liked a bit more plot development - especially on the time travel front, and perhaps some additional information regarding how he became a Looper.  And maybe no TK??  Okay, so the TK wasn't the worst.  Just a twist I didn't expect.  Although, the new commercials show it off a bit.

It's yet another movie with a kid for a main actor.  But you don't see that in the preview, do you?  The kid, Pierce something I think his name is, is only 5 or 8 in real life (hard to tell though, IMDB (c) and other web-sites don't list it) - yet he played a 10 year old in the flick?  I'd say he was closer to 5.  I don't get it.  Then why do they say he's 10 then in the movie?  Or, why didn't they get another actor who was  actually 10?  Anyway, he did a pretty good, creepy job.  It's tough with me and movies, specifically when they add kids into the mix as one of the main players.  For instance, I just watched "Satan's Little Helper" and while the kid was super annoying at times - he was also cast perfectly.  His dumb look/expression fit the character perfectly.  Anyway, this kid did a good job too, so it worked.  And at the end he had a bit of a Children of the Corn in him.  And maybe some Take Shelter.... http://scutigeromorph.blogspot.com/2012/03/122-take-shelter-b.html

Ok, now onto the plot issues I have with the flick.  The movie was about 2 hours long.  The cool part (to me), is when movies take time to build up the plot or characters.  Perhaps show some more of how he's a Looper, and as mentioned more about the time travel.  Instead, all of the scenes you see in the preview (him putting the gun in the Looper bin, him blowing away guys that land on the tarp in the field near the corn, and him and Bruce sitting in a diner) happen basically within the first 15 minutes of the movie.  When I first realized this I thought that meant it was going to be really good, because for christ's sake - Rotten Tomatoes is giving it a 93%!  Thinking back, that feeling of "oh I just saw all of the preview scenes so that means it's only going to get better" transformed into, "man, what the hell was that?  And geez I sure wish they didn't fly through the Looper stuff"  That was when I became confused.  With 20 more minutes under my belt, I was finally able to put 2 and 2 together and realize that Joseph G-L was only in the now and Bruce was only in the future.  I thought going in, that Joseph G-L was from the future and he got sent back to waste people.  Not correct.  Anyway, if this paragraph makes any sense at all to you, then good.  Last thought about this is I bet they didn't show much of the time travel etc. because they likely made this on a super low budget.  Another huge payday for not much money.  Well, they did have flying motorcycles....

A few more points.  At one point they showed J G-L kill like 10 guys in a row in that corn field.  Like guy shows up, J G-L pops him.  Flash to next guy getting popped....and another.  Back to back to back to back.  That was their way of plot building I suppose?  Then they did a strange scene, starting with J G-L getting ran-sacked at his apartment - followed by flashing words on screen that said "1 year later" or something, then it said "5 years later" and then it said 10 years later, 15...up to 30.  By then he was all grown up and was now Bruce.  Anyway, this was done really badly.  You will understand what I mean when you see it.  A scene that lasted 1 minute to explain 30 years.

But did I like it?  I guess so.  It was okay.  I can tell you that I think I'd rather see that other Emily Blunt movie with Matt Damon and those doors that took you places.  That one was cooler to me, even though others on the Earth didn't seem to love it as much.  Oh, and the guys who made J G-L look like Bruce did a really good job.  I couldn't stop staring at that.  Seriously, how did they do that?  I would like to morph into a mix between Val Kilmer and that guy from the Saint.